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I'm probably going to take a vacation on my own for a couple of weeks. I've got budget meetings coming up and if I don't take the time soon, I won't be able to. I need to get my head straight. When I get back, you and I will talk about the future. That's if you still feel we might have a future." I wish I could go with you ... but ... that's not what you want, is it?" she said quietly."No ... I need some space and time to think about what I want for myself. Matt will be off to college in the not-too-distant future, and Jess won't be far behind. I'll be forty this December. Half my life is gone and I want to be sure that whatever I decide, I'll be satisfied and happy with it."I'd been staring out the side window as I talked, but I turned and looked at Ali. I saw tracks of tears on her cheeks. I didn't know what to do about that. Should I tell her not to worry? Should I tell her that it will be all right? I said nothing. We spent the rest of the drive in silence.There was something. It would also take having a certain blindness while walking the streets and wondering what to do with himself.When he finally stood underneath the water that the showerhead trickled over him, he understood that he must somehow confront or at least make amends with what had dogged him for most of his life. He would have to visit the college in town and find something to study. The thought of relying on education didn’t sit too well with him, but he figured that colleges and universities such as the one that had attracted some of the brightest students in the county were actually made for people like him—the same people who didn’t have a place anywhere else in the world—and while he thought a little less of himself for not succeeding in the places and the conditions that really mattered, those failures at least directed him towards the task of unlearning that which he had learned and recognizing that he was no better or no worse than the children who earned their degrees within the.
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